The Konoha Diaries (one shot collection)
by MissKirei
Summary: A collection of one shots that throw light on the adventures of the Naruto gang. Expect major SasuSaku chapters. Rating T just to be safe. Chapter 1 : The Uchiha recipe to perfection.
1. Chapter 1

The Uchiha recipe of perfection.

Ingredients :

Ninja(Shinobi)- As many as you can gather. Suit yourself according to taste.

Kunoichi(Female Ninja)-About 1/3 of total Ninja.

Uchiha clan-About 50-100 spoonful of members.

Haggard old bastard unwilling to die- One. Madara Uchiha.

Rookie 12 of Konoha

Stoic Ice cube of an uchiha- One. Sasuke Uchiha.

A kunoichi with monstrous strength and temper- One. Sakura Haruno.

A knucklehead drooling over Ramen- One. Naruto Uzumaki

Method Of Preparation:

1\. Stir the Uchiha clan and the Konoha elders in a bowl with Politics and plotting. Ignite with the will of fire till the mixture bubbles up.

2\. Put exactly one prodigy in the mixture along with his small foolish little brother. Mix both in uchiha compound till the little one is envious and in love with the elder brother.

3\. Bubble the prodigy with missions and orders from Hokage and Uchiha head till the prodigy murders the clan.

4\. Have the little brother become cold hearted and frozen after the massacre of his family. Make him hell bent on getting power and revenge. Set the tasks in the oven to kill his brother and revive the clan. Pour generous amounts of sexiness and good looks along with the sharingan. Make the face stoic till necessary. Shove a huge log of wood up his ass as up as it can go.

5\. Have the Ice cube reject his teammate of a kunoichi who declares an undying love and affection for him while she promises to aid him in his plans of killing his brother. Have Sasuke uchiha dump her ass on a fucking cold bench till the temperature is exactly minus 100. Make the Uchiha go for power to the Pedophile Snake Sannin who wishes to take him-in ways more than one-and grant him power using purple makeup and fake wings.

6\. Make him kill the gay pedo before he deflowers the Uchiha. Take out the snake remnants to balance the flavor.

7\. Make the two brothers meet again and let Sasuke Uchiha kill his own Brother, only to make him realize later that he killed the person who loved him the most.

8\. Make the uchiha more stoic and bastardly till the texture is just about right. Let Sasuke-kun kill and kill and kill like a sick maniac to achieve a perfect scary image as a very dangerous S-ranked international criminal—much exactly what his brother feared him to be. Make the last Uchiha throw away his perverted sensei, knucklehead best friend, and the annoying kunoichi and the love that they have to give.

9\. Drive the Uchiha obsessed with power, hatred, malice, revenge. Enhance the level to bastard.

10\. Publish his image in the bingo book to achieve publicity and ANBU fangirls.

11\. Let him aid in the fourth Shinobi war and be called as a war-hero until Chakra depletion.

12\. Call him back to the place he called home. In a fresh bowl, add team seven—icha-icha fan, dobe, teme, emotionless Sai with a black blouse, and the annoying cherry blossom to konoha. Return his teenage hormones back to the last Uchiha and mould with a non-emo, non-hideous fashion style.

13\. Ogle the female teammate till satisfied. Pull out the log of wood from Uchiha's ass and pull it out further till completely removed. Throw in a few Manners and gentleman-ish traits to go along.

14\. Finally have the courage to admit and acknowledge your love for Haruno Sakura. Replace the Haruno part with Uchiha using tools like flowers, apologies, Roses, wedding bells, uninvited guests, ramen, a huge ass ring and most important—beingnice.

15\. Move back to the Uchiha compound and claim your wealth, become stinking rich. Make the kunoichi happy—bang till exhausted and sleeping. Repeat process every night till Uchiha heirs start to pop.

16\. Make sure little young Uchiha do not go for gay pedophiles in search of power and live happily. Marry your girl to the dobe's son after years or so.

17\. Warning : Do not become a fucking hermit and leave the kid up to Sakura else the recipe will rot.

18\. For best results, Live un-stoically ever after.


	2. Chapter 2

Konoha market was always buzzing with people on Sundays, and with the super sale in the market, it barely had any space to walk properly. Sakura walked into the super market smelling the fresh scent of fruits and vegetables in the fresh section. The farmers used to bring fresh produce directly from the farm every day, everyone knew that if you wanted to have some fresh veggies, this was the right place.

Sakura rejoiced like a happy bird, she had been so busy with her hospital shifts and housework, now that Sarada was one year old, it wasn't so easy to take care of her. Sakura was happy that Sasuke-kun had finally come back to the village permanently and taken the police department under his watch. She was happy that he was home. Everything was perfect. Now that Sasuke was back, Sarada could get both of her parent's love. Sakura smiled. She felt great today, since Sarada was in the watchful care of her papa, Sakura had nothing to worry about.

It had been so long since she had put on civilian clothes and roamed in the market like a normal person. With her hospital shifts and Sarada, she only got so much free time to herself—not that she was complaining, her life perfect in all possible ways, she couldn't ask for more. Sakura passed by a mirror and saw herself, her green sundress fitted her perfectly, with her hair let down and her makeup on point, she felt pretty. _It's been so long since I wore makeup_ , Sakura thought and giggled to herself like a stupid teenager. _OK, let's blow some money_ , Inner Sakura said and Sakura walked into the clothes section. _Shannaro! Here I come!_ And with that, she had jumped right into the 'mega-super bumper sale'.

After what felt like hours, Sakura came out with a bags of clothes. She had bought so many clothes, it wasn't her fault everything was so pretty and cheap. She had bought many onesies for Sarada, some dark t-shirts for Sasuke-kun that really showed his muscles and a few civilian clothes for herself, since she hadn't bought no normal clothes in a long time. She had inwardly died when she imagined her beloved Sasuke-kun in those shirts when she picked them. _He'd still look better without that shirt though_ , she thought, _omg my husband is so hot! Thank god he stopped wearing that hideous poncho-thingie._ Sakura merely stopped her nosebleed when her phone buzzed. It was Sasuke.

"Hi sweetie~!", Sakura chirped. Literally.

"Sakura"

Sakura struggled with her shopping bags, she put her phone in between her shoulder and chin.

Meh, monotone.

"Sasuke-kun" ,her voice dripped in sugar, Sasuke shuddered.

"Is your shopping over?"

"Mm,Almost,. HEY WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING SISSY!"Sakura shouted at a teenager who almost collided with her while running after her crush. Sakura groaned looking at her, it had reminded her of a certain 12 year old.

"What's wrong? Did someone hurt you?"Sasuke was in investigate, I'll-kill-you-if-you-touch-my-wife mode. His voice sent a chill down her spine.

"It's alright—SHIT!"

The phone call ended as Sakura collided with some guy who wasn't looking straight while walking. The fool was busy waving to his girlfriend. Anyway, He had thrown Sakura off balance and as she struggled with trying not to fall, she twisted her ankle real bad. She fell down, her shopping bags scattered everywhere, her phone screen broke and one of her newly bought bra was shamelessly put on display as a result of the collision.

What

The

Major

Fuck

"Argh! You bloody!", Sakura screamed, ready to pummel this pathetic excuse of a boy, as soon as she could manage to get up.

Sakura looked at the punk, who was currently busy apologizing and picking up her stuff. He was scared looking at Sakura and the purple aura she emitted. The baka was so scared that her stuffed all her things and put them next to her lying form, and decided to make a run for it.

"Ano, gomenasai!", he turned around, without the decency of giving her a hand to get up, he started to run.

The foolish guy's little escapade was soon ruined when his face almost (almost) collided with someone's punch, before that could have happened he was met with the most scariest and sharpest obsidian set of eyes he had ever seen. The boy quickly froze in his spot. He was paralyzed. He knew if he was going to die, today was that day.

"It's alright—SHIT!"

"What happened?" before Sasuke could investigate the situation, the call ended and he was surprised. God knows what just happened but he was pretty sure that he had heard Sakura wince. He had to find out what happened. He quickly took Sarada and put her in her pram and got out. He was gonna find out where his wife was and kill the bastard who hurt her.

Sasuke reached the supermarket and saw Sakura lying on the floor wincing in pain and a guy apologizing to her while picking up her things. His anger reached a new high when he saw that guy turn around and try to run. He was gonna teach him a lesson.

As soon as the guy turned around, he was greeted with the cold and scary eyes of Uchiha Sasuke. Even with a simple black shirt and normal pants with no weapons, he looked scary. Everyone knew it was best not to get on the nerves of the police captain. Weapons or not, one would surely not survive, for the only weapon Sasuke Uchiha needed was his fists and his eyes. Even with a baby in a pram, Uchiha Sasuke was dangerous. The guy knew he was a dead man, he froze dead in his tracks, not knowing what to do.

Sasuke looked at the punk and moved towards his wife, putting the pram to a rest he picked up her shopping bags and put them under Sarada's seat, where normally her diaper bags and toys rested. Sasuke looked down at Sakura who was speechless right now. Not knowing what to say, Sakura's sweat dropped. Before Sasuke could glare more, she finally spoke.

"Ano..Sasuke-kun, You know how I wore civilian clothes and heels after a long time, turns out I had lost the habit of wearing high heels. Heh heh, foolish me", Sakura struggled to lighten the atmosphere. Everyone had stopped whatever they had been doing and looked at them. There was a pin drop silence and Sakura found out how much fear Sasuke Uchiha instilled in the common folk, even while carrying a one year old in a pram.

"Sakura"

"Uh, yes sweety?"

"Shut up"

Sakura puffed her face, and tried to get up, but soon winced in pain as her foot was fractured. The stilettoes she wore only made things worse.

"I could heal it right now you know, I'm a doctor", Sakura said, and put her palm over her ankle. Before she could start the healing process, Sasuke picked her up with one hand and put her over his left shoulder while he pushed the pram with his right hand, his left arm rested on her ass, partly because her dress would start going up because of the wind and partly to support her. Sasuke moved with ease. People looked at him with glee, the sparkles and moe moe flowers surrounding him, until he stopped and looked at the guy who was the cause of the entire ruckus.

"I want you in my office at 5pm tomorrow. I'll deal with you later."

"H-hai!", the poor guy could only nod as he watched Sasuke coolly walk away with his wife and daughter. Sarada chirped happily making cute sounds as they went home. If only the child knew who her father was.

There was silence in the house after they all got home. Sarada slept peacefully in her crib as Sakura was placed gently on her bed. Sasuke ran a hand through his hair.

"Sasuke-kun"

"Hn?"

"You look so hot when you do that"

Sasuke looked at her and sent her a glare.

She knew the volcano was about to explode. Sasuke Uchiha had been known to the world as a man of few words but only his wife and Naruto knew the truth.

"How could you be so careless Sakura? You are a doctor for god's sake! How could you just hop around the stupid market filled with stupid people who hit people! And how could you twist you ankle?! You have chakra, CHAKRA! Use it!"

"Ano, I was trying to be a civilian", Sakura muttered slowly and was then cut off. She looked down and quietly listened to Sasuke scolding her. She felt like she was getting scolded by her father.

Stupid shopping, stupid konoha! I'm never letting you out of my sight again! You're so annoying Sakura! The most feared kunoichi in the great five nations, the student of the Sannin and Hokage fell down carrying shopping bags? Scratch that, it's all that guy's fault, that fucking bastard, I'll make sure he's never able to walk again! And I'm not letting you out of this house again! God knows what ruckus you made when I was away", Sakura ran his hand through his sexy hair again, for the tenth time. This surely wasn't his day.

After Sasuke was done with exploding, Sakura broke down in laughter, tears of laugher coming on the surface. She looked at Sasuke's angry face and laughed harder than before.

"hahahah you should see your face Sasuke-kun! It's only a small fracture. I'll heal it soon, then I can cook us all dinner!"

"You. Are. Going. To. Take. Proper. Rest." Sasuke glared at her as he took small steps towards her. He took out his phone and called Shizune.

"She twisted her ankle, won't come for a week." With that, Sasuke ended the call, leaving Shizune speechless. He kept his phone in the drawer and sat on the edge of the bed, glaring Sakura.

"Sasuke-kun"

Sasuke didn't respond, instead, he looked away.

Sakura took her blanket off and tried to move towards Sasuke, but ended up groaning loudly in pain.

"Ah! That hurts!" she stopped moving and Sasuke was there in a flash, cradling her petite form. Sasuke rubbed her back soothingly. Sakura put her palm over her ankle and started fixing it, she winced and Sasuke kissed her neck every time she let out a cry of pain. After she was done, she was welcomed in Sasuke's arms, he made her lie down properly and put a blanket over her.

Sasuke gave her a kiss on the lips and got up, Sakura immediately puffed her cheeks and held his arm when he tried to walk away.

"Don't go Sasuke-kun, I want you" Sakura pouted looking at him, Sasuke merely smirked and looked at her.

"As you punishment..", he held her arm and got on top of her, "And to my pleasure..", He hovered above her, careful not to hurt her ankle, he licked her cheek and bit her lower lip, "you're not getting laid till you take proper rest." Sasuke let go of her arms, he was walking towards the bathroom door now, "Rest well Sakura", he said, as he took off his shirt and threw it on the couch next to their bed, and walked into the bathroom.

A very horny and flabbergasted Sakura was left on the bed with an aching ankle.


End file.
